This brings me to my blog topic for the week. Did you know there are three ways to burn a pile of brush? Well, I have discovered that there are and just in case you are wondering, I’ll tell you about them.
1) The woman’s way. Build a fire. Put small pieces of the brush onto it and burn them. Keep neatening the pile and the area by putting the edges onto the burning part. Don’t put too much on and burn the surrounding territory. This is the easy way… but only if you are a woman.
2) The Hubby way. Build a fire with lots of paper and wood in under the existing brush pile. Then drag as much of the brush onto it as possible. Keep a hose close in case the wife comes around the corner and says, “That thing is way too big.” Don’t use the hose at all.
3) The Hubby and his Friends way. Get a huge can of gasoline and some matches. The pile isn’t large enough so find some other things to put on. Surely the neighbors have some old brush to add. Find a couple of cases of beer. Now for the fun. Pour the gasoline on everything in the pile. Get more quick. Now use a barbeque lighter. Touch the lighter to the gasoline. Poof! How many of the guys still have eyebrows? None? Successful light. Watch the entire pile flame. How high will it go? Is there a way to make it flame higher? Drink beer while telling jokes and watching the stuff burn. Old shed somehow ends up catching fire.
“No problem. I was going to get rid of it anyway. All it had in it was an old couch. Besides, the roof leaks.”
Wife comes home. “The fire’s too big. Do I need to call the fire department?”
“Hell no. We’ll put it out. Go in the house and bake cookies or something.”
Wife leaves. Men, needing to relieve themselves pee on the fire. No results.
Fire department arrives. They lay their hoses and sit back watching the pile burn.
“Burning a little trash boys?”
“What about that plywood?”
“That was the shed.”
“And the couch?”
“We sort of forgot it was in the shed.”
“I can see that. Couches are hard to see.”
Eventually the fire dies down. The men leave and Hubby goes inside to an angry wife.
The fire outside was not nearly as hot as she is. “You stink. Here’s an old blanket. Sleep outside in the shed on the couch.”