Anyway, one day a few years ago I saw a possum lying on the grass in our front lawn eating slugs by the pawful. (See possums have some use, besides to show raccoons how to make good road pancakes.) It looked very happy. That’s when I decided to actually tolerate possums. Well this year the possums packed their bags and went south or something because there haven’t been any in a very long time around here. (Maybe their teeth stuck together and they all died, but I didn’t smell them.)
This leaves slugs to procreate quite quickly and without much problem. They have less of a problem procreating than most creatures because they have the capability of being the guy and the girl in the process. If however they choose to get it on with another slug, they get very close together. What keeps them from sticking together permanently I have no idea, but they must be able to scrub that slime off easier than we do. (By the way, I think the creator of sticky notes modeled their product after slug slime.)
Anyway, an army of slugs is now chomping their way across my yard in waves. There must be hundreds of thousands of slugs on my front lawn alone, because it is estimated that only 5% of the slug population is above ground at one time. Now this army is going to eat me out of a yard. Of course there us an upside. I won’t have to mow the lawn for a while, and if this weather keeps up, maybe never.
I expect to see them with little flags sticking up: “Down with humans!”, “Slime their world”, “Slow and steady wins the race”, and “Beware the underground army”.
Then they’ll take over the neighborhood yards and soon they will be knocking at your door, asking to come in. Do not ask them in under any circumstances! They will March right in like a brownish tide, sliming everything in their path and make your floor so slick you cannot stand up on it. One step and you will slide to the floor and be stuck, unable to get up. Then you will have to slide around on your belly like a slug, eating only green salad.