Halloween is almost here and I can share now the secret to having a great time while staying at home. It’s great entertainment, but it only lasts a year.
First get out an old shirt and a pair of jeans and attach them at the waist, doesn’t matter with what. Then stuff them. Now take a balloon or soccer ball and put it inside of one leg of panty hose. Attach this with a little extra length of nylon to the top of the shirt. Use a rope of some sort and hang this dummy to the house with the extra rope fed in through a window.
Put a bowl of candy on the sidewalk for the kids to take if they want. Put in one of those low-light colored bulbs for your porch light. Turn the house lights off and watch for trick or treaters.
When they leave the house next door, pull the rope a little so the dummy moves, and groan really loud. They will either run really fast past your house or they will run the other way.
When the evening is over or you have been entertained enough, go out and retrieve the bowl of untouched candy, turn off the light and watch a movie at home.
The reason I said this lasts only one year is that nobody will visit your house for Halloween for years to come. They don’t like to be the dummy.
In case this isn’t spooky enough, here are two poems.
Off with his head
The Monster said.
Out with his guts
Take out his nuts
Cut out his eyes
We’ll make some pies
Or:
Set that pumpkin upside down.
Turn his smile into a frown.
Light the candle in his head.
Watch his insides burn bright red.
Leave him outside on the stoop,
Mold and mildew, fungal soup.
First get out an old shirt and a pair of jeans and attach them at the waist, doesn’t matter with what. Then stuff them. Now take a balloon or soccer ball and put it inside of one leg of panty hose. Attach this with a little extra length of nylon to the top of the shirt. Use a rope of some sort and hang this dummy to the house with the extra rope fed in through a window.
Put a bowl of candy on the sidewalk for the kids to take if they want. Put in one of those low-light colored bulbs for your porch light. Turn the house lights off and watch for trick or treaters.
When they leave the house next door, pull the rope a little so the dummy moves, and groan really loud. They will either run really fast past your house or they will run the other way.
When the evening is over or you have been entertained enough, go out and retrieve the bowl of untouched candy, turn off the light and watch a movie at home.
The reason I said this lasts only one year is that nobody will visit your house for Halloween for years to come. They don’t like to be the dummy.
In case this isn’t spooky enough, here are two poems.
Off with his head
The Monster said.
Out with his guts
Take out his nuts
Cut out his eyes
We’ll make some pies
Or:
Set that pumpkin upside down.
Turn his smile into a frown.
Light the candle in his head.
Watch his insides burn bright red.
Leave him outside on the stoop,
Mold and mildew, fungal soup.
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