Gwen Kruger
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Signs at Large

2/12/2013

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I’ve seen some signs and advertisements lately that are really thought provoking.

One says that the product is made with real strawberries.  I wonder, what does an unreal strawberry look like?  I know it could look like a red blueberry.  No wait, that would be an unripe blueberry.   Maybe like a three-D foam replica dipped in just the right color to look delicious.  You know like the advertisements for hamburgers that don’t resemble the real things at all.  Theirs are plump and juicy while the real thing looks like a gorilla sat on it and then they put two pickle slices half sliding out of the side of the bun.  What does an unreal strawberry taste like?  The implication here is that it tastes somehow different than a real strawberry.   How?   Are they sweet or are they sour enough to turn you mouth inside out?  I want to know about these unreal strawberries.  Are they organic?  Are they made from, say tripe, sawdust?  What? 

Then there was a sign for a motel that said:  QUEEN BED VACANCY.  Where is the queen? Is she on a long trip to say, London?  What would she be doing there?   Why is her bed vacant?    Did she just get up or has she not been here for a while?   Where is the bed? If it is in London it is kind of a long way to go.   Is the King there too or is the king bed occupied?  With the queen?  Oh dear!  So many questions.

Another motel advertised: WELCOME WIRELESS HOT BREAKFAST.  What does a wireless hot breakfast look like?  Obviously it is a remote controlled device.  Does it look like a robot or an alien from planet Zigmoid?  I want to know so I can avoid it.  Is it dangerous?  Should I avoid it at all costs?  Where can I go instead?  How does it sleep?   Should I be aware of any unusual behaviors?   Were these wireless hot breakfasts having a convention?  What do they do there?  Will it burn the motel down?  I think I’ll go somewhere else to stay the night.  Is there a city without wireless hot breakfasts?

I suppose there could be a motel in the area that serves unreal strawberries over fake cereal to wireless hot breakfasts in the queen’s bed. 

You stay there and you could be wired to a king bed and be force fed painted lumps of red berry-looking sawdust until your free parking ticket runs out… and saves you.

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    Gwen Kruger, author, writer, crazy person.  I love writing, the outdoors, and my husband, although not necessarily in that order. 

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